


Sawdust and Consolation

by writingfromdarkplaces



Series: How Can We Say Forever [1]
Category: NCIS
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, F/M, Friendship, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-19
Updated: 2016-08-19
Packaged: 2018-08-09 16:30:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 890
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7809037
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/writingfromdarkplaces/pseuds/writingfromdarkplaces
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The ironic thing is that Bishop wasn't the first one to ask Gibbs for marital advice.</p><p>Or... Jake finds himself in Gibbs' basement post Troll.</p><p>(Possibly the start of an AU where the events of season thirteen didn't happen.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sawdust and Consolation

**Author's Note:**

> So... this is one of those strange long time coming things, even if by now it's too late. My relationship with NCIS is long and convoluted, and I admit... I kind of gave up on the show back around season seven. Then Ziva left, and I was curious about the new character, Bishop. I liked that she didn't come in as a replacement love interest, and I liked even more that she was already married.
> 
> Then along comes the first episode with her husband, and he's played by Jamie Bamber (and me being a BSG fan, I loved that as I'd tried in the past to look up everything he'd ever been in) and he was, as Abby said, adorable. I really liked their interaction, and I wanted to see more of them. I looked for fic, couldn't find it, and I wanted to ask someone to write some for me since I was in a no writing/no fanfic period. I was too cowardly to ask.
> 
> And now I doubt anyone would do it because of canon, but I just... I couldn't let it go. I didn't think that Jake would do what he did on the show. I wish they'd gone with the internal affairs investigation plot line. That would have been interesting. Then again, when do I ever not have issues with canon?
> 
> I tried to resist this, but I found myself unable to work on anything else that needs attention/completion, so I wrote this. It is the delusion I think I will cling to, especially as I'm even less likely to go back to NCIS now that Tony is gone. 
> 
> Set this after Troll, where I am still convinced that Jake really wanted to salvage their marriage and relationship and gave the computer to NCIS because he still loved her and because he was friends with Gibbs.

* * *

“Ellie told me about the boat. She wasn't sure if she should believe DiNozzo or not.”

Gibbs looked up, frowning. Bishop's husband was in his basement, and while he knew that his team would be amused to hear about it, his gut was saying this wasn't an ordinary visit. Much as he'd traded information with Malloy over the past few weeks, he knew the other man wouldn't have come to his home over it. None of that was urgent.

Unless something had changed.

“Boat's real,” Gibbs said. “You got something for me, Malloy?”

The other man hesitated, taking the last few steps before pulling an envelope out of his pocket and holding it out to Gibbs.

“You already gave me a gift.”

Malloy grimaced. “You have to know that wasn't for you. As much as I enjoy our chats and the occasional racquetball game, if Ellie wasn't a part of your team, I never would have bent the rules the way I did.”

Gibbs nodded. He hadn't doubted that for a second. Though he had little personal experience with Malloy acting as the NSA's attorney, he knew that the other man was a lot more likely to walk the party line and stay there. He would have held onto the NSA's jurisdiction forever. That was what his superiors would want, not the favor he'd done because of his wife.

“I've already lost her, haven't I?”

Gibbs just looked at him. “Someone go missing?”

Malloy shook his head. “No. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said anything. We may talk, but that's not the sort of talking we do. I should be worried about the ease with which I share classified information with you, but I suppose that just shows another one of my shortcomings.”

Gibbs went to the bench and poured each of them a drink. He held the mug out to Malloy. The lawyer took it, but didn't drink until Gibbs gave him a look.

Malloy sighed, taking a sip. “This is coming out wrong.”

“About as wrong as your first attempt to speak to me,” Gibbs agreed. “Drink. Finish that, and maybe you'll get out what you actually came to say.”

Malloy shook his head. “I already said it. I've lost her. Ever since she joined NCIS, the distance between us has been growing. We can't talk the way we used to. Sometimes it seems like the only thing we had in common was the NSA, and now we don't have that. She's changed. She's different. I love her, I have since we first met, but she's not that person anymore. She killed someone, and she didn't tell me. I don't... I feel like she resents that I can't talk to her about work any longer. I want to say she's punishing me by not telling me about her work, that she's keeping stuff from me on purpose, but I think that's just me trying to justify how I feel.”

Gibbs drank from his jar, waiting. Malloy was close. His grip on the glass said it, even if he hadn't gotten to the words yet.

“I'm holding her back, aren't I? Wanting what we had before, wanting her to be the way she was before,” Malloy studied the glass. “She has a good thing at NCIS. She's happy. Probably even happier than she ever was with me.”

“You don't know that.”

“She gained family when she joined NCIS. Brothers in DiNizzo, McGee, and Palmer, a sister in Abby, a grandfather in Ducky, and a father in you. What am I in comparison with all of that? I tried to fit, but there isn't a place for me.”

“Maybe you haven't given it enough time.”

Malloy finished his drink. “I'm afraid I have to let her go.”

“That's not what you really want.”

The other man shook his head, though he'd already proved that earlier today. “No, but if it's what is best for her... Then it doesn't matter, does it?”

Gibbs refilled his drink. “You sure that's what she wants?”

“Ellie? No. I don't think she's aware of it. I mean, she knows we have problems. She knows we don't talk. I don't think she's aware of how unwilling she is to share with me, not consciously. In that respect, I think my job is still at fault.”

“You could fight for her.”

Malloy looked at him, swallowing. “You would, wouldn't you?”

“This isn't about me. It's about you. Don't assume you know what she wants. Or that you can decide what's best for her.”

“I sometimes wonder if she's holding onto me out of habit,” Malloy admitted, drinking down the last of what was in his glass. “She doesn't have any reason to shut me out, but she does. We both say we want to fix this, but maybe we're lying to ourselves. And each other.”

“It is possible,” Gibbs agreed. “Still sounds a bit like you're trying to justify something to yourself.”

“She said we'd talk later,” Malloy whispered, mind elsewhere. “I gave her what she wanted, I broke the rules, compromised the investigation, and she said we'd talk... she never came. I waited for hours. Fell asleep waiting, even. She didn't come.”

“Did you do it so she'd talk to you?”

“No. I did it because I love her. I'm just afraid that isn't enough anymore.”

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Oceans Apart](https://archiveofourown.org/works/7823836) by [writingfromdarkplaces](https://archiveofourown.org/users/writingfromdarkplaces/pseuds/writingfromdarkplaces)
  * [Behind the Scenes in the Basement](https://archiveofourown.org/works/7893484) by [writingfromdarkplaces](https://archiveofourown.org/users/writingfromdarkplaces/pseuds/writingfromdarkplaces)




End file.
